Dealing With Your Partner’s Infidelity

Are you familiar with these questions; “Who are you going to lunch with at work?”, “When will you be home?”, “Why were you late?”, “You didn’t answer your phone or return my text for so long!”

Nobody wants to be in these situations or ask such questions. This scene usually takes place following an episode of hanky-panky that could have taken place many many years ago. Your spouse/ partner having an affair is one of the worst things that can happen in a relationship. There are many side effects of a broken trust in a relationship. Anxiety is difficult to deal with, especially on top of the emotional turmoil you are going through. 

Relationship anxiety occurs for the following reasons:

• Broken the bond of trust through an affair
• Constant fighting over unknown issues
• Stress both work or family
• General health 
• Negativity and controlling behaviour

Emotional emptiness and a withdrawn attitude

Being hit unexpectedly by the person you love the most can have an extreme psychological effect on your emotional state. This can lead to emotional hollowness, or numbness. Some find the anxiety, emotional emptiness, or even shock from infidelity so extreme that some might require counselling sessions to allow them back into reality.  

How does a person usually feel after being cheated on? Probably disgusted, angry, abandoned, depressed and betrayed. Going back to normalcy is very difficult after this but not impossible. Trying to save your marriage after an affair if the partner also wishes to do the same is the right thing to do, however difficult it may seem. 

So how to move on from being cheated on? Having an open discussion about it may help, and if it reaches an impasse at any level, you may want to consult a marriage together. No matter what you are told, you must have confidence in yourself. It is not your fault. Experiencing insecurity after infidelity is normal but don’t let it destroy you. 

Coping with an Affair/Heart break

Everybody experiences anxiety at some point in their life. If the anxiety you are experiencing after your partner’s affair has left you feeling broken, you might be experiencing the following symptoms:

• Heart palpitations
• Feeling short of breath
• Restless 
• Nausea or Dizziness
• Feelings of unease, panic, and undue fear
• Sweaty hands
• Cold feet
• Difficulty sleeping

Dealing with your partner’s infidelity, Dos and Don’ts 

Do get tested for STDs. 

Getting tested for any sexually transmitted diseases you may have contracted is a sign that you are ready to move on. It also shows that you are taking responsibility for what has happened. 

HE cheated on me, so only he should get tested right? WRONG! Both you and your partner should get tested for sexually transmitted diseases.

Men and women who engage in sexual infidelity are often careless about safer sex. As soon as you learn that your partner has been sexually unfaithful, you should visit your primary care physician, explaining the situation and asking for a full STD screen.

If an STD has been contracted, this could have huge implications for the sexual dimension of your relationship for the rest of your lives. It’s in everybody’s best interests to bring the facts to light as soon as possible – before there’s time for further damage.  

In the first place, STI testing has nothing to do with trust. It’s just a simple, straightforward, practical way of ascertaining the facts. Are the infectious pathogens that cause STDs present or not? 

That’s what you want to know, and we’ve already established that it’s utmost important thing to find out. If the test comes back negative, no harm has been done. But should it turn up positive evidence of an infection, this information will be invaluable to you in your efforts to avoid further suffering.

Do not have unprotected sex with your partner. 

No matter what your partner tells you about his or her past sexual activity and/or recent STD tests, you absolutely should not have unprotected sex with that person until you feel confident that he or she has had a full (and clean) STD screen and that he or she has been faithful to you for at least a year.

Do Forgive.

Regardless of what you do within the relationship, at the end of the day, one of the best ways to regenerate your own mental health is to wipe the slate clean.

When we say forgiveness, we actually mean you should start by forgiving yourself. In such conditions, we often forget to be calm and start blaming ourselves for what has happened. 

If one is able to forgive themselves, they are giving themselves the gift of freedom, freedom from anger and resentment. In the future, one will be able to be open for healthier relationships. 

In addition to that, they also will also experience less anxiety, stress, and hostility, fewer symptoms of depression, and improved self-esteem. This then will drastically reduce the mental health symptoms that might lead one to ever encounter the pain of cheating again. 

Do reach out to others for help. 

Dealing with infidelity requires a level of emotional support. They may need help beyond the life experience of most people.  The only healthy way to deal with this is to seek assistance from people who understand. Try to seek help from a proper functional support group and not from someone that has recently/going through a break up. Look for a professional help. Engage in a conversation only when you think you can trust them with your heart.   

You may also talk to someone that has been in the same shoes as you but is doing better now. 

Whether you decide to remain in the relationship or not, you need (and deserve) care, love, and support.  

No matter what, relationship infidelity is difficult to deal with. And usually, the worst thing you can do is bottle things up and hope they’ll just magically resolve. That just doesn’t work at all. 

Instead, you should reach out for support, information, and advice.

We at DTAP are willing to address your doubts. We also offer anonymous HIV testing. The range of our STI testing is also found here: STD Testing

We also offer short counselling sessions for those in need.

We also accept Appointment via WhatsApp, please message us at +6017 444 3052.